Day 391

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Dear Syed,

I cried again tonight. I am starting to hate myself for that. I was thinking about life. My life. How it would be if I destroy you and all the memories. If there is no existence of you in my life. How would my life be. All i can see in my mind was a dark night with a dim light in one corner. It would be dull. Sad. Boring. Nothing.

At this moment, only the memories of us give me happiness. Everyone kept talking, advising and telling me to forget you. I dont know how to do that, when it is the only thing that can make a smile formed on my face.

I cried hard thinking about it. I had to control the sounds of the cry at the lowest volume so my family would not hear it. I cried like the day when you were so mad at me. The only thing that somehow calm me down tonight was the spectacular view of the city. Living on the tenth floor really gives you the opportunity to see how Kuala Lumpur looks like during nightime. It never sleep.

But i should get to sleep. My eyes hurt. Hope it will get better by tomorrow. May Shrek helps me to have a good day tomorrow.

Good nite.

May you have a beautiful dream.

J.