Day 546

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Dear God,

Can i die today?

I want to die.

I want to rest in peace.

J.

Day 538

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I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did, I did

You were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake

I was careless, I forgot

I did

And now when all is done

There is nothing to say

You have gone and so effortlessly

You have won

You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard

Falling for betrayal is worst

Broken trust and broken hearts

I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there

Building faith on love and words

Empty promises will wear

I know, I know

And now when all is gone

There is nothing to say

And if you're done with embarassing me

On your own you can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would me

Impossible, impossible

Impossible, impossible

(Shontelle, Impossible)

Day 531

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Syed,

I just could not believe it. You brought her. To my convocation.

I have been trying to accept the fact you are seeing someone since the day i found out about it. But seriously do you really need to show your affection towards your girlfriend today at MY graduation day. My family was there. My friends were there. Does it ever comes to your mind the idea that i have feelings?

Knowing the fact that you finally meet someone to replace me is one thing. When you know i waited for you. When you are fully aware the reasons of it. To see you two together in front of my face is another big thing. You knew how it felt when Azura left you for someone else. So you should know how my feelings would be seeing you holding her hands.

I can totally accept it that you were coming for Iyas. But is it a necessity to bring your girlfriend when she has nothing to do with Iyas and you knew I was going to be there, considering me and Iyas were coursemates. I know you have life. She has her life. And you both can do whatever you want with your life. But i too have my own. That is my graduation day. Not yours. Not hers. It is suppose to be one of the greatest memory of my life. Could not you be more considerate thinking of that fact. Now whenever people asking me about my graduation. All that play in my mind is, "Great. My ex came with his new girlfriend. Walking hand in hand in front of my family and friends."

Don't worry . I have let you go the moment i saw what a jackass you have become. Seeing you with her really hits me. Knowing the fact that you once held my hands, and then seeing you there holding hers made me feel so stupid to even let you touching me at the first place. I should not have let you into my life and lie about love. Soon, I will became nothing more than a fading memory to you. It reminds me to all the things that my professor once advised me. All of it are true. I should have listen to her instead of arguing with her and continue to trust all your words.

Now it is not the part of losing you that hurt me so much. But the fact of me being stupid to actually believe in you, your words, your so called love. It is true when they said why should you believe when there is lie hidden inside the word.

I hope u will never forget the fact that i am a human. A girl. A girl that you ignored for months. Do you think I deserve all of this? I wish i can be happy for you. But how am i going to do that when you do not even think about my happiness.

J.