Day 342

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Dear Syed,

I received this msg earlier today. It was long but i cut it short, straight to the point.

You have 0% chances to get him back. -Iyas

The minute I read it, my tears kept rolling down my cheek. I instantly packed all your belongings in a bag. The cards that you gave me when you went away, when you felt sorry, when you felt touched by whatever I did, the two soft toys Bunny and Reddie, the water bottle that you bought for me because I don't drink enough at hospital, the mug you gave for our first month anniversary, the CD that contains all the photos of us spending time at Petrosains and Aquaria, your T-shirts which are supposed to keep me company when we were apart and other small stuffs that you gave when we were together. When you still love me.

I packed almost everything except that handphone you gave me on my birthday. I love that phone and not ready to part with it yet. I gave back that phone to you before but you refused to take it. Now i have attached to it. I don't think I will ever give it away. Plus i don't have much money like you to buy another phone.

I also wrote you my last letter. I know the contain was kinda harsh. But I have to do it. I have to force myself to hate you. Because you do not love me anymore. If you do, you would have accept my mistakes and apology. You should have accept me the way I am. But you don't. You are harsh to me. You called me things. You cursed. I do not know why did I love a guy like you. I was blind. And still blind.

Honestly I really wish for things to be different. If only you would forgive me. If only we can be together again. I know we'll be happier.

I only have this 2 months left to concentrate on nothing but you. To fulfill your every needs. I am ready to do anything. If you want me to change, I will change. You can have all of me. All of my time. My attention. Everything. And now the time is running out. I don't think I can offer the same thing after that duration.

I wish I can make you happy. And prove to you and myself that I can be different. A better person.

But your ego is high up the sky that you just don't give a damn about it. You never think of me.

Because of that, I really have to get rid of everything that reminds me of you. And force myself to hate you.

I hate to hate you.

J.